that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
FUCK WHALES
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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