My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
