a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she peed on how many people?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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