You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
