just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
