New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
