Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
