im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
