Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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