I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
