I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
