yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
