I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
