This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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