K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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