You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
