What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
