new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
