I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
