i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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