I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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