just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
