Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
