:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
