Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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