I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
