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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You know how us drunks love counting steps

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.

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• (516): View more from New York

  History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS

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• (951): View more from California

  Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?

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