I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
