just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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