I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
