All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
