we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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