Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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