i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
