Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
