Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
