What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
