Don't make out with my wife yet
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
