umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
