Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
