i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
