Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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