Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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