Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
