my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
