I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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