that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
