**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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