she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
