HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
